鹽路

《The Salt Path》讀到三份之一，因為去年從香港返英國的飛機上，看了這本回憶錄改編的電影，剛好上星期圖書館推介這本電子書，我便借閱了。這本書吸引我的地方，包括：1. 以英格蘭西南部Devon的海岸線為背景，我一直幻想自己有這樣的勇氣，背起簡單的行囊，走到天涯海角；2. 故事主角Ray和Moth於五十歲成為無家可歸者，開展流浪的旅程，活到中年，透過失去，才能成為理想的自己，這樣的主題，我很感興趣；3. 英國的地景與靈修密不可分，之前讀過Celtic spirituality的書，談的就是中世紀的修士以英國的獨特地景分享基督信仰。

書中有些文句都給我很深的感受，例如：

Not heading for a new beginning, not a fresh start with life opening up before us. The earth had cracked; we left ourselves on the other side of a void that we could never cross. Running from the rupture in someone else’s shell. Just driving away. And ahead of us? The walk, only the walk.

很多人說自己離開，是為了開展新的一頁。然而，有沒有一種「離開」是純粹的出走？不為了新的開始，只為了結束和脫離？就如信心的跳躍，太多人只著重踏出去而顯現的橋樑，而忘記了踏出去之前斷崖的恐怖。

Travelling in the knowledge that you have a point of return gives you the will to keep moving away. There's always a door you can return to and drop your bag, even if that door is the thing you're escaping from. But the feeling that day was entirely different.

出走不是旅行，旅行的人能夠享受旅程，因為知道有個回去的地方，那個地方人有稱為家鄉。如果，家鄉已成往事，現實中再找不到一個可以稱為「家」的地方，離開之後，便只有流浪。  

Rhododendrons closed around us, above and below, spreading across the cliffside. Resilient and persecuted plants that, contrary to belief, lived in the UK millennia ago. Fossils have been found that prove they grew here before the last ice age, but native plant status is reserved for plants that flourished after the ice had receded. Reintroduced to the UK in the mid-eighteenth century, they rapidly colonized the countryside: a wave of migrants with rich, glossy evergreen leaves, bringing texture and display of lush purple and mauve flowers cloaking the hills and forest undergrowth.

這也是我喜歡讀這本書的原因，內容夾雜英國地景和植物的歷史。我一直以為杜鵑花是外來植物，讀到這裡才知道在上一次冰河時期之前，英國曾有原生杜鵑花。後來從中國和日本引入的杜鵑實在太強悍了，佔領了原生植物的棲息地，所以National Trust等組織要控制外來杜鵑科植物的生長速度。

Civilization exists only for those that can afford to inhabit it, and remote isolation can be felt anywhere, if you have no roof and an empty pocket.

這句說得好，文明帶來的幸福，並非每個人都能享受。

It was that upbringing which drove me to join socialist rallies, protest against the poll tax, protest against the American nuclear warheads at Greenham Common, protest against anything really. When my parents tried to make a match between me anda farm owner's son, it was the anti-establishment, anti-control sense of rebellion that drove me to run as hard as I could towards Moth and his belief that freedom is the most important right we have.

這也是這本書能引起我共鳴的原因，作者Raynor Winn反建制的立場，透過這本為無家者發聲，質疑英國司法制度的不公。

可是，我昨晚Google這本書的Review，竟發現一年多前The Observer揭發這本「回憶錄」的內容可能是虛構的，Ray和Moth並非無家者，他們在法國有物業。他們失去物業的原因，亦非司法不公，而是她（原名Sally Walker）虧空公款，甚至盜取家人的積蓄。

看到這些報道，我當然失望，如果Raynor Winn不以「回憶錄」的方式寫這本書，會否避開失實的爭議？我還會讀餘下的三份之二，就當它是小說好了。不過，我都會提醒自己，文字承載的很多時是理想中的自己，是過濾之後讓人看到的public self，即使不是謊言，也不等能同真我。