Rob Preece: Wisdom of Imperfection

It is the ease and openness that comes when the go finally lets go of its need for the dominant position in the psyche and gives way to the Self. The shift from “I will” to “thy will be done” brings trust in a process that we can only partly comprehend, but this is part of the mystery.
Flight into idealism and intellectual spiritual knowledge, combined with a yearning for purity and perfection free from worldly contamination, are, regrettably, signs of a continued psychological malaise.

This inflated position of the Puer nature does not find comfort in human fallibility and so such individuals can be deeply critical of their own failings. While this inflation is totally unconscious, its counterpoise is a kind of over-sincere humility.

The Shadow is the unconscious itself with all its chaotic and potent instinctual aspects. These may be negative, primitive, or undeveloped, but also may be positive yet seemingly unacceptable aspects of ourselves……The Shadow may be unseen, unhealthy, or even demonic, but it will contain the roots of our potential transformation.

Those in positions of spiritual authority, such as teachers, are particularly vulnerable to this blindness (The Shadow) when they are idealized by others. Once they have become caught up in the idealized view others project, it may be tempting for them to try to hide their Shadows in order to maintain their sense of authority…...Adopting a “spiritual” persona can give a sense that we are special and may bring much praise and veneration from others. We can create a veneer of spirituality over buried emotional problems so that we eventually convince even ourselves that we are spiritually evolved. Unfortunately, it is just a matter of time before the illusion is shattered and the Shadow emerges. It can be a humbling, sometimes painful experience to be brought back to earth rather than succeeding in living a somewhat grandiose ideal.
Compassion……is our capacity to genuinely accept ourselves with our Shadow and live without illusions. With compassion, self-acceptance, and a sense of humor, we can learn to be authentic and open about our fallibilities.

The illusion of a spiritually idealized identity is often created as a flight from the pain of self-doubt and a sense of lack of worth……On occasions she would fall through the illusion that both she and her students were creating for her……Healing could come only when she began to accept her humanity and value herself with both her gifts and her pains. She could then potentially heal the split between the idealized image of herself as the special child she wanted to be but never felt from her parents she was, and the unlovable person she secretly believed she was.
The doctrines that then become established will often set up ideals of perfection, goodness, or wholesomeness that we should follow. Rather than being guidelines to aspire to, these doctrines can reinforce our belief that we are good enough only when we achieve this ideal. Psychologically, this can set up a destructive internal conflict that pushes what is not acceptable in ourselves into the Shadow.

Puritanical spirituality has a strong fear of deep instinctual, archetypal forces that are wild and unruly – of the side of our nature that is potent and passionate and often seeks intoxication and sexual expression……in Shadow. There it feed on denial and become increasingly demonic. In time it will break through our superficial control and take us over, with sometimes devastating consequences.

If we grow up with a sense of alienation, insecurity, worthlessness, or powerlessness, turning to a guru or a religious movement that offers security or salvation can be very comforting for a while. Unfortunately, all too often there are those who are willing to exploit the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of others in the name of spirituality. The fanaticism expressed by some religious fundamentalists is a terrifying outcome of individual fears and insecurities being swept up in collective hysteria under the guise of religion.

The idealization of teachers combined with disciple rivalry, jealousy, and vying for favor reflect strongly the psychological roots in parent-child dynamics.

We can begin to trust our spiritual guides so long as we are willing to challenge teachers who have become inflated by power or blind to their fallibility, and so long as we prepared to wake up to self-deception.

Disidentification: our capacity to step out of the center of the emotional cumulus sufficiently to be able to witness its arising.
1. Name the emotion, for example, by saying “I am feeling really angry about this,”
2. Name the inner sub-personality of the emotional state.

The most powerful capacity of mind that can relate to the emotions and feelings in a fresh way is one that is clear, non-judging, open, and spacious.

Only by slowing down the process, so to speak, so that we are able to develop a more sensitive yet spacious quality of presence, will we be able to transform our emotional life.

Feelings we may have struggled with for years are transformed only when we utterly accept them without judgment and without contraction.

Denying and disowning personal responsibility for our power is welcomed in charismatic religions where devotion to the teacher is paramount. The dangers of this process, however, are that we leave ourselves open to abuse, exploitation, and dependency.

Anger can be the first stage in a process of regaining and restoring self-confidence, self worth, and the power to be effective in life. The passive victim who feels unable to make choices and just accepts his or her lot with hopelessness manifests an inability to claim personal power. Anger may be the beginnings of a shift towards no longer being a victim.

Asserting limits, saying no, and standing up for our inner truth with firmness and courage do not imply that we have become egocentric and selfish. It is more likely a healthy self-protection needed in certain circumstances for us to retain our self-identity.

The transition often demands that we let go of control and experience a kind of giving up, during which life seems to live us and we have no choice but to follow its bidding. When we open and surrender to the will of the Self and trust in the unfolding of our life, it is an act of faith. This implies not passive fatalism but a harmonious participation in the process.

Perhaps one of the important ingredients in a skillful teacher is the capacity to genuinely empower students to question and find their own way. The outer teacher is crucial in enabling students to discover their own innate potential, even if this means going beyond the teacher’s jurisdiction.

The inner guru is a deepening trust in our own knowledge, understanding, and truth. This may be the root of a sense of our own individual integrity, authority, and self-reliance.

In this experience there is no person and no duality: it is the experience of totality. If we perceive and understand the nature of this ultimate guru, we need no longer be held to any notions of the relative forms of the guru.

When we transfer an inner quality onto a person, there will be a number of consequences. We are giving that person a power over us as a result of projection… we are giving the power of the Self away.

“What do you think” was very empowering to students, which is indeed placing student’s process as central.

Those who have no stable identity and who have a poorly developed ego suffer the consequences
One of the unfortunate consequences of an overburdened and responsible work life can be a profound loss of meaning and vision…the crisis of meaning and purpose often precipitates a shift of emphasis in an individual’s life as the necessary missing ingredient is sought…When we enter such a period of transition, we may experience a growing restlessness or frustration…This return of archetypal intent may herald changes that will upset the status quo. Revolution and the reformation or transformation of the old in order to begin anew comes through the archetype of the Puer.

The first lessons of individuation may arise through the path of the wanderer…This journey we must undertake alone in order to gain confidence in our sense of self…The wanderer therefore discovers that he or she can stand alone, separate psychologically from parents and other collective groups, and can follow his or her own truth.

From a psychological perspective, the wanderer’s life could be seen as a time when we clear away the history of unhealthy relationships and emotional baggage that limit us. While we are still mired in traumatic aspects of our past, we will lack emotional stability. Once we have begun to emerge from our history, our mind is freer to rest quietly in meditation.

Placing ourselves in the service of what Jung called the Self is a significant step in the journey.
The servant may be seen as one who sacrifices self and surrenders self-interest for the service of others. We may do this from a place of necessity or from a place of choice. We may do so from a place of love or of compassion. However we are motivated, this process of surrender and dedication will challenge us to the limit. It will test us to the core and bring out our resistances and resentments. If we have false motives, these will manifest glaringly at some point. It is extremely hard to follow this path and do so from a hidden self-deceiving motive.

While self-sacrifice is a necessary ingredient of the bodhisattva’s maturation, the cultivation of this kind of giving requires some skillful awareness of where there is self-delusion. There is a difference between a genuine self-sacrifice that comes from a deeply rooted and healthy self-worth and the martyr-like self-negation that arises from unresolved wounds.

The self-sacrifice tendency is especially prevalent in those who from a very early age have had to “look after” seriously narcissistic and wounded parents, taking care of parental needs at their own expense. Wounded parents will often accuse their children of being selfish for having their own needs, so that being selfish becomes a terrible sin.

The dichotomy is not between good and evil per se but between ignorance and wisdom. When we fail to recognize our power, it will be as dangerous as becoming obsessed by it. If we deny our power, we are liable to act irresponsibly…False humility is as much a fault as being inflated.
Breaking down frees us from the past and the solid, stuck history we have become imprisoned within.

What we do not need are those who desperately try to make it all better because they fear where we are going. We need people who are willing to be there as we struggle, to hear our fears and distress and allow them to be.

While in the depth of the wasteland we discover the source of our wounds, we may also for the first time find the aspect of ourselves we have always needed to empower our lives and give them meaning.

The experience of the dark night will challenge us to discover whether our spirituality is based upon genuine truth and wisdom or simply superficial faith or knowledge of doctrine.
We will often need to restore some of our persona and protection before we return to the world, so that our sensitivity is not violated. We may need to choose carefully those people to whom we relate our experiences. If we are unskillful, we may disclose things to those who do not understand or respect what has happened. This can be very wounding when what we need is to be acknowledged and accepted.

We need friends and relatives who will at the very least respect what we are going through and not criticize us and demand that we stop being indulgent…time, sympathetic understanding, and a healing, non-judgmental environment of acceptance and compassion are very supportive to the healing process.

There are many other examples in fairy tales and myths in which in order to cross a threshold, it is necessary to have the right talent. The world talent has a number of meanings, the most obvious being the possession of a quality or skill. A talent also refers to a coin or currency that is needed in an exchange of goods or services. In this sense, a talent is connected with the power of money to enable us to accomplish or gain something. The talent is an enabling capacity that gives us the power and right to pass, to cross a threshold…The talent is an inner resource, an inner personal power or vitality that helps one to proceed on the psychological or spiritual journey and gain deeper insights.

There is a growing threshold between consciousness and the unconsciousness. This mechanism gradually becomes a necessary protection so that consciousness and a stable ego-identity is able to form and emerge from the amorphous world of the unconscious with its magic, gods, demon, monsters, and fairies.

Dharma protectors ensure that only those who are prepared for particular spiritual experiences are able to go beyond the veil of ignorance and to step into an utterly radical view of reality.
At times in our journey, some new experience may grow that is both fragile and vulnerable. It may then be vital to protect ourselves from the opinions, judgments, or criticisms of others, even those closest to us. They may ridicule or denigrate our deepening inner life in a way that can be extremely damaging.

One could equally say that the degree of our suffering is relative to the discrepancy between our view of reality and the nature of reality itself. Our blindness to the true nature of reality leads us to endlessly struggle to make secure what is fundamentally untrustworthy.